Silence

The silence was so suffocating that I almost felt chocked. I tried struggle so hard to remove that invisible chord which I felt was strangling me again. And its right then my alarm went off on my mobile………… Its 6 am!!!!!!!!!!! It almost sounded like a blessing. The alarm tone seemed like a breeze of oxygen which helped me breath again. And I realized it was just another night of my horrifying dreams. I pulled myself out of the bed aimlessly trying to locate the switches on the wall…… I keep wondering why I still have to search for those switches? Why every morning I feel I woke up somewhere I don’t belong………..All the ‘why’s now keep muddling in my head…. Again my battle with my own self starts and I don’t want to give in to this feeling of losing myself……I found my way to the kitchen through the hallway…….. I prepared Disha’s breakfast and lunch box but still those ‘why’s are wandering around within me. I try to maintain the best possible self…I get Disha ready , drop her off to the bus stop, take a long walk with my dogs and getting more and more bothered within….I am trying to figure out the root of my inherent fear or I might say fears……….. I am trying to answer the biggest ‘WHY’ of myself…..’WHY I STILL EXPECT FROM PEOPLE?’ Am I too pretentious to accept my botheration of being dumped? Why my so called ‘intellectual composed ‘self get bothered with people’s ignorance towards me? Is it my ego that stops me from accepting the fact that I am as importance less creature as anything else could be? Is it my feeling of not being ones priority that makes me cry? I keep on thinking…….. I feel the same suffocation again…………………..